My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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