Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
