Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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