I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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