I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
