i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
