I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
