My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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