Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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