I think I died a long time ago.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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