Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
