I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
