worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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