So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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