so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
