Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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