Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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