I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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