what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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