watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
