Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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