I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
My vagina is officially offended.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
