Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
