I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Randomize
