Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Randomize
