I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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