I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
