We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Randomize
