Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
