Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
