If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Couch. On fire.
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