masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Bring me that man meat
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Randomize
