I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Randomize
