I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
