Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
