I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
