I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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