He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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