There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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