there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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