I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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