you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
