you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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