absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
