just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
