he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
