Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
