Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
he wants to bone in the snuggie
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
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