You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
