when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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