My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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