there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
