isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
